Ekstase Pagi

Mendung mulai meneteskan jentik-jentik kehidupan, pagi ini. Sepersekian detik dari kepulan asap rokokku yang melebur dalam kesucian, membawaku dalam ekstase ketenangan. Kognisi, afeksi, dan psikomotorik bekerja selaras dengan putaran kehidupan. Aku melihat ruang-ruang imaji dengan lorong cacing warna-warni, saling-silang, menuju ketiadaan. Kusruput kopiku, mengalirkannya kemuara samudera kemanusiaan, aku melihatnya dengan jelas. Proses yang terlalu mustahil untuk dijelaskan dengan bahasa manusia. Jagad besar dan jagad kecil, mana yang harus kuceritakan.

Mana yang harus kujelaskan, Apakah tentang betapa sedikitnya pengetahuan yang selama ini manusia banggakan. Mungkin tentang kesalah-kaprahan yang dianggap mutlak kebenaran. Ekstaseku belum berakhir, dalam ruang imaji tak terbatas, dengan warna yang tidak hanya mejikuhibiniu. Aku melihat, bayangan wajahnya, yang tak berupa wajah. Aku melihat tangannya, yang tak seperti tangan. Aku melihat wujud yang begitu indah meski sebenarnya tak cukup jika hanya dengan kata indah.

Ekstaseku berlanjut, aku ingin bertanya. Meski tak siapapun kulihat, namun aku yakin akan mendapatkan jawaban. Sialnya, aku tak tahu apa yang ingin kutanyakan. Tak satupun pertanyaan yang keluar dari bibirku yang aku tak yakin masih memilikinya. Aku sadar, tubuhku tak lagi berwujud fana. Pengetahuan mengalir begitu saja. Tanpa pertanyaan dan tanpa jawaban. Aku menyadari tanpa kusadari apa yang baru saja keluar dan masuk kedalamku. Namun satu yang kuketahui, inilah rasa yang takkan pernah ditemui dalam kesadaran fana. Takkan pernah sanggup dijelaskan dengan bahasa manusia.

“Perbendaharaan yang tersembunyi” bahkan kalimat inipun kurang tepat. Sungguh sangat tidak tersembunyi, bagaimana keagungan bersembunyi dalam kesempitan. Apa itu perbendaharaan. Sungguh kalimat yang dipaksakan untuk menjelaskan yang tak dapat dijelaskan. Sayangnya ekstase cukup sampai disini. Sebuah kilatan cahaya yang tak berwarna menyadarkanku. Dan ternyata, sebatang rokokku sudah sampai ujung pembakarannya. Padahal belum sempat kunikmati. Sial!


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